Dodging Bullets

Since moving to Western North Carolina, one of the most important things we’ve learned to do is to dodge bullets.

No, the law isn’t after us and we don’t have the fun and excitement of drive-by shootings in our neighborhood. What we’re talking about are good, country folks who’ve given their brood the gift of gunfire.

Upon returning home from a full day of Asheville adventures and ready to take a nap, we noticed some of our neighborhood kids playing what looked like a war game in their front yard. They were running around and hiding behind trees, wearing scary-looking goggles and toting menacing rifles. Now, I’m all for kids blowing off steam and having some outdoor fun, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t high-tail it into our house so that we wouldn’t get shot.

So we’re spending a lot of time indoors, where it’s safe. It’s actually been a nice opportunity to bond as a family, take up knitting, and find out what’s on cable TV.

But we’ve found that we have to keep the windows shut tight, to protect ourselves from infiltration.

The other day, a “soldier” was pressed up against my home office window, hiding from the enemy, rifle in position. It was quite jolting, to say the least. So, I promptly flung some child-friendly anti-gun leaflets out the window and donned my own pair of non-allergenic, hot pink goggles, which I had bought on sale at Wal-Mart for the discount price of $569 (a bargain, considering the fact that I was protecting my eyes for years to come.)

Meanwhile, we’re a little strapped for cash at the moment, because I spend my time engaged in frivolous activities like writing and eating chocolate and thus, I’m not contributing a huge amount to our bank account. Consequently, all four of us have to share the one pair of goggles, which can get ugly, especially on a beautiful, sunny day, when we’d all like to play outside.

But sometimes, on a cool, breezy late afternoon, while the neighborhood guns lie dormant and the miniature gun enthusiasts are being fed an early supper, we take long walks together, eyes naked in the wind, enjoying our new hobby: bullet collecting.

You may not know this, but BB gun bullets are very beautiful. We’ve collected an assortment in a rainbow of colors and truly enjoy the thrill of the hunt.

And as sure as shooting, I’m going to think positively: Maybe Wal-Mart carries discount bullet proof vests.

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